Storm Slaughter a Reality Check

Parramatta's buoyant pre-season was promptly brought back to earth by the game's best round 1 side

Parramatta’s 2025/26 pre-season was one that showed promise alongside a hefty dose of drama given the Zac Lomax court case.

Come Thursday 5 March though, all of that was put to the side as the Blue and Golds ran out onto Melbourne’s AAMI Park.

Things got off to a tough start with J’maine Hopgood binned in the opening exchanges for what seemed like an unfortunate clash of heads. The fact he has since copped a 2 week suspension, while a swinging arm of Stephen Crichton received nothing, and Nathan Cleary got off scot free from a direct shoulder to the head shows how much of a lottery the NRL is.

Despite being a man down, the Eels struck first through Sean Russell.

That was as good as things got though, as Melbourne worked their way into the contest and the Eels faltered.

An 18-4 half time deficit finished 52-4 at the end of the match. The fact the Eels didn’t concede a point inside the final 14 minutes is a minor miracle considering Bailey Simonsson was also binned for checks notes being underneath Stefano Utoikamanu’s forearm.

Parramatta were beyond poor. Their ball handling was non-existent, their defence porous and their ball movement barely beyond that of an under 13s side.

However, allow me just a moment to tee off at the refereeing. It wasn’t the major deciding factor, but it was a contributing factor.

The Hopgood sin binning was not a sin binning. If Stephen Crichton didn’t get binned the week before for launching himself into a player and collecting him with a swinging arm, I don’t know how Hopgood (who himself got hit in the head in the collision) gets binned for that.

The six again yet again has reared its ugly head. I’ve never liked the rule change. It obfuscates responsibility of the referees, it’s easy to game and it’s a downright lottery. Melbourne’s first try of the night came off 3 consecutive six agains despite the Storm having a faster play the ball than the Eels.

Then we have Isaiah Iongi being hit in the head and a crusher. The Bunker decided neither foul was a foul. But then the Eels fullback was withdrawn by the independent doctor for a HIA. That’s right, he wasn’t hit in the head, but had to be checked because he was hit in the head.

And Parramatta’s challenge was ruled to have failed due to a mystery knock on, that no one seemed to believe was a knock-on. It was a clear passing motion and the ball landed behind the point it was released.

Then you had Tom Jenkins the following night deemed not to have knocked the ball on for Penrith.

We are one round into the season and already no one knows what constitutes a sin binning offence, nor what constitutes a knock on.

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After an off-season where we saw a text message from the Storm CEO to the NRL CEO asking him to “apply the blowtorch”, you’d excuse me if I stuck my tinfoil hat on and started screaming conspiracy.

I prefer Hanlon’s Razor though, “Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity”. NRL management and officiating has been on a downward slide ever since Peter V’landys took over and the refereeing performances in the last 12 months have done little to reassure supporters that anything is actually improving.

Okay, I digress.

The Eels have lots to work on for round 2 as they will be facing the defending premiers who landed themselves a piece of unwanted history, becoming the first champions to be held scoreless in round 1 since 1956.

The last time the two sides met at Suncorp, the Eels escaped with a dramatic win after Brisbane’s match-winning try was chalked off due to Reece Walsh being offside.

Questions remain over Parramatta’s backline. Jordan Samrani bagged a double in NSW Cup, heaping pressure on Brian Kelly, while Luca Moretti and Charlie Guymer led the line in the forwards.

Hulking junior Jordan Teancum Brown started at prop, making his presence felt with 24 tackles, 3 missed and 156 running metres.

Parramatta’s NRL round one performance was hindered by Joash Papalii being forced to cover for Iongi. It meant Ryles couldn’t turn to his battering ram of Sam Tuivaiti on the bench.

Last year, Ryles made changes when he saw fit, rewarding players performing in lower grades, and changing things around when needed. It may be a little early in the 2026 season to see wholesale changes, but if the lower grades perform, changes could be forced.

Don’t forget to catch our review/preview podcast from Wednesday morning.

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